Finding Freedom from Fear
Creating a Foundation for Calm Leadership
A couple of nights ago I awoke at 2:30am with disturbing thoughts of impending doom. Given this is not the norm for me, it spawned an unnerving dilemma. How could I discern if these thoughts were intuitive forebodings of truth or random irrational fears emerging from my subconscious? I wondered how to investigate further, how to reveal the true source of this fear and how to figure out if any of it was worth paying attention to.
Whilst these thoughts and questions rumbled on, they prevented me from getting what I wanted most — relief from the immediate discomfort. Isn’t it odd how our attempts to resolve a problem on the mental level can keep us stuck in it for longer than is necessary? The upside was that the discomfort propelled me to get to work on this article, which follows on from one I wrote on what keeps us stuck in situations we don’t want (click here to read).
As I was pondering my own relationship with these unknown fears, I also began to wonder how leaders navigate these kinds of feelings. How do leaders look after themselves, look after others and make wise business decisions in an environment infused with fear?
For many leaders, fear is often so intrinsically interwoven into the fabric of daily life that it goes largely unnoticed; and the inability to recognize it and address it creates an unceasing tangle of disturbance and distress.
In many businesses, a complex web of unspoken fear creates an invisible barrier that can seem almost impossible to penetrate. It surreptitiously wreaks its havoc before anyone begins to realize its presence. Living in an environment of perpetual fear is like being locked in a tank of piranhas in order to escape the potential threat of a shark. What’s even more ironic is that what we fear, we attract — by focusing on an imagined threat, we have already locked eyes on it and are enticing towards us.
Now, more than ever, it seems essential to know how to create an environment that feels safe, and which each of us feel we have control of. That safe environment is not the bricks and mortar of our physical home or office but the inner world of our own thoughts and feelings. I believe that the only truly effective way for a leader to create an environment of safety in a team is by creating it internally for themselves first.
For a conscientious leader, the thought of turning their backs on others and focusing inwardly may initially seem selfish, but without a safe haven to retreat to, they will continue to succumb to chronic stress, mental health issues, low energy and compromised immunity. These effects are absolutely counter to fulfilling some fundamental priorities i.e., to maintain equilibrium, maximize resilience and create a calm and reassuring presence for the team.
If this applies to you, and it would be helpful for you to alleviate the effects fear, the suggestions below are completely free and readily accessible — these are things that are focused on immediate physiological relief and don’t require excessive periods of navel gazing or therapy. That said, there is no question that digging into why your fears are there is an extremely valuable pursuit but, until you get there, these relatively straightforward actions can ease some of the worst effects of chronic fear.
1) Learn how to feel at home in your body. This is alarmingly simple in concept but can be exceptionally difficult in practice, especially if you’ve lived in chronic tension, busyness or distraction for most of your life. To make the process a little easier I’ve broken this down into three points:
- The simplest starting point is to breathe slowly and deeply, ideally breathing through the nose only and aiming for the out-breath to be longer and slower than the in-breath. Breathing in this way begins to engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which has the effect of switching off any stress signals. The phrase ‘a sigh of relief’ is exactly that i.e., a clear sign from the body that the threat of fear has passed and you can relax.
- Develop a deeper awareness of what fear and relaxation feel like in your body. There are obvious physiological effects when fear is intense and palpable, but the signs of more insidious low-level fear — the clenched jaw, the tightness in your abdomen, the furrowed brow etc. — have to be recognised before you can actively release them. When you begin to pay attention to these feelings, give them space and fully accept their presence, only then can you begin to let go… It’s important to understand that active relaxation (which seems like an oxymoron) is very different from just sitting quietly not doing very much. Active relaxation starts with focusing your full awareness on a particular part of the body, simply noticing how it feels and then purposefully loosening it. Some people find it helpful to tense each part first (just momentarily) before releasing, so that the difference is even more noticeable. Going through your whole body in this manner can be a wonderful experience. (If you’d like to try a short sample, there is a ‘Letting Go’ meditation on this page, which you may enjoy).
- Practise an activity that puts you in touch with your body — There are many to choose from e.g., Yoga, Tai Chi, Alexander Technique, massage, dancing… Not only do these activities help to dissipate the physical effects of stress but, more importantly, they help you to get out of your head. Being fully present to your physical sensations is the only way to experience the joy of being in your body.
I can say from personal experience that the more you feel at home in the body, the more you will be able to tune in and hear its wisdom. With practice, you begin to acknowledge its immense value and come to trust it implicitly.
2) Absorb the energy of nature — It’s pretty obvious why taking regular breaks helps to alleviate stressful sensations and it may be even more advantageous to spend this time being fully present to the wonder of nature. It doesn’t take long to take your shoes off on the grass, pause on a park bench or paddle in some water. Even if you’re in the middle of a city, it shouldn’t be too hard to find some greenery or water to sit beside or simply watch the birds. An additional benefit is the effect of the negative ions, which are found in high numbers in natural settings. Being around these is known to be relaxing and boosts the body’s resistance to disease.
3) Edge your way out of your comfort zone — Doing new or different things can be extremely helpful in building your fear-facing muscles, though this may take some time. You could start with something relatively easy e.g. take a new route to a familiar destination, make a conscious choice to talk to someone who sees things very differently from you, or try a new approach to a familiar task. One year, stimulated by an initiative in my workplace, I set myself an ‘embracing the unknown’ challenge and managed to do over 70 new things over a 3 month period. I enjoyed it so much that I repeated it a couple of years later. What this does is to increase your tolerance of discomfort and (in my experience) converts nervousness into curiosity and excitement. Anything that helps you decrease your fear of the unknown is a worthwhile venture in my book, and who knows what you may discover?
4) Slowly detox from your quick fixes — If we’re honest, most of us have a number of strategies that serve to numb out feelings that we don’t want to feel. These are the convenient things that help us stay distracted and avoid feeling our discomfort. This could be anything from the habitual morning coffee to binge-watching the latest TV series until bedtime. What are yours? Of course these things can be useful to provide temporary relief from tension, yet they do nothing to address and overcome any perpetual, underlying fear. My guidance regarding this kind of detox is in the word ‘slowly’ (unless you’re a ‘rip off the band-aid’ kind of person). Go easy on yourself. My guess is you’re already dealing with enough stress so take your time, get support if you need it and be patient.
5) Keep a journal — If your life is typically very full, spending time in reflection may be a luxury you feel you can’t afford. However, taking a step back periodically to contemplate your thoughts, feelings and behaviours helps you to be conscious and self-aware. To ensure this is a positive experience, you may find it beneficial to build gratitude into your contemplation. This can be facilitated by asking yourself positively focused questions e.g. What did I enjoy today? Who or what helped me in some way? Who or what am I grateful for? What positive impact did I make? Who did I help? What did I learn? Ending the day with some feel-good reflections can ensure you’re in a better zone for restful sleep.
Having spent many hours working with caring and conscientious leaders, my observation is that the combination of cumulative demands and unprocessed fear take their toll on the physical body. Then, when a threshold is crossed, the adverse effects completely take over and demand immediate attention.
You have probably experienced this for yourself — when your body is suddenly hijacked by fear (or any other intense emotion for that matter) it is a messy affair and can have a detrimental impact on those around you. In that state, it becomes impossible to be clear-headed, open and alert to what is happening in the wider environment. It is also improbable that you are able to hear the quieter whispers from your intuition, which can typically bring more profound insights.
It is only when you are acutely aware of the early warning system that is wired in to the physical body that you can find a way to stop and reset before damage is done. It helps to calm your inner world so that you can be more sensitive to what is going on in the wider world. This skill can be the difference that makes the difference. In my understanding this, this typifies the relationship between our physical intelligence (PQ) and our spiritual intelligence (SQ), which I believe all leaders would benefit from developing.
As for the reasons I was awakened at 2.30am, I still don’t fully know and I’m not sure that I can know. In the meantime, the immediate choice I can make is to stay quietly attentive to what’s happening both in my body and mind, and develop my capacity to be comfortable with not knowing.
The relationship between the four intelligences (PQ, IQ, EQ and SQ) is detailed more fully in the book ‘The Change Equation’ by Elizabeth J Oliver (available on Amazon)